This morning, it was raining. The weather seems to know her feelings. Black cloud weeps until evening. A sorrow summer. Amby stucked in her room and not sure of what was her feeling when she woke up that morning (she woke up late). Normally her feelings in the morning determines the start of the day. Then she did laundry, doing some things in the college, walking and see other people, she was trying to break herself from the cocoon.

She missed someone badly. Someone who knows what to do and what to say to her. Someone who knows her very well. That person is 400 miles away from her. Having trip in a great city. Amby doesn’t want to spoil her trip. Until when she wants to depend on a person every time when she got into trouble?

Anyway, you must be wondering, what is Amby’s trouble anyway? It was Nick. Last evening, they had an argument over silly things. Nick doesn’t understand Amby’s feeling and Amby don’t know how to make clueless-Nick understand what is she’s trying to do. It was a dumb argument. Last time, they already came to a conclusion about their future path. But last evening, Nick invites a fight by reopening the ‘matrimonial’ subject again. And the reasons he gave her was silly. Unacceptable. The reasons that he gave to Amby is obviously showing that he is afraid of comitment. He told her in her e-mail:

I’m sorry. Do you want to know the reasons why I don’t want to get married early:

1. im not redi 2 be a gud husbnd..
2. im afraid that im not d rte person 4 u...altho i love you so much...
3. im afraid you will always cry and not happy with me.

Then Amby wants to make him think, that she herself is not perfect for him either and that is the purpose of getting into a relationship. To know each other and to understand each other. She thinks she’ll not be a good wife, not the right person for Nick and afraid that Nick might not be happy with her.

She asked him, “then why are we wasting anytime by being in this relationship anyway? ”

You think you are not the right person for me and bla bla, and we’re wasting our precious time if this relationship is going to nowhere. Amby told him that what she expects in a relationship is matrimony with the person she loves, whom she gave all her heart. Then he misunderstands, thinking that Amby wants to leave him. He said sorry for wasting Amby’s time. Then they talked over the phone, he kept on criticising himself and think bad things of himself (What Nick is doing is what had been done by Amby’s ex before they separated, thinking that he was not the right person for Amby and *poof* just like that).

Then Amby told him, “just tell me that you are afraid of commitment and I will leave you in peace” (Before this, Nick told Amby that she has the right to leave him and he WILL NOT dump her, ever).

Both were tensed, both misunderstood each other and both didn’t go for resolution.

Suddenly, she never expects, she never ever imagined this word will uttered from Nick’s mouth “If that so, the end”.

Terribly shocked, she didn’t want to hear anything from him again. She never expects that he will dump her. She thought the power is in her hand. It insulted her. She never imagined herself as a distress-dumpee damsel. She went away, pretending she didn’t hear the phone was ringing. She did not dare to accept the fact that she just had been dumped. Indeed, she watch football game and pretending that the game was bad and actually her heart feeling was much worse than the game.

Next morning, Nick called her twice. First time, she told him she didn’t want to answer his call as she was brushing her teeth at that time. After went through her morning routine, she checked her e-mail and there were two from Nick. He asked forgiveness from her and told her it was a mistake and he loves her so much. Steadily, Amby was searching for strength, not to be swayed by emotion. Not to be driven by her love towards him. In fact, Amby was singing Pris Hilton’s song (and that means something is wrong somewhere coz Paris’ song sucks). Trying to think logically and relevantly, she called a person who is much wiser about relationship. Cathy. She’s happily married and had been in few relationships (still the quantity outnumber Amby’s). Then Cathy concluded, she told her it was stupid things that Nick and Amby were fighting about. She told her things will be better sooner. Then he called her one hour after, and she told him that she was not ready to talk with him. She wants to talk without using so much emotion but use more logic and relevance. She wants to avoid from doing a hasty decission. She will not let her heart win over her head this time.

What she decided, there are some things that she wants to clarify with him. Like a solicitor. Asking the defendant. Right now, he still owes her an answer. He probably asleep when she asked him the question (she asked him by e-mail since she doesn’t want to swayed by her emotion this time). Time difference is another thing which affects their relationship. They have a little time to spend everyday and perhaps they should use it wisely. This story didn’t end yet. Because Amby is still waiting for his answer. And she really wants to make the right decission this time.