After my discussion with Guru Besar regarding our pupils’ achievement and welfare, I had deep thought. It is true, there are many potential students from my school but they were destroyed halfway to success ladder because of their parents’ divorce. Then I asked permission to go back as it is Friday–major day of traffic jam in Johor Bahru. It was raining cats and dogs. I was shivering because of the cold rain and the air conditioner from my car. Then Adele’s song “Someone like you” soared in my car. Her voice that came from the sound recording of Royal Albert Hall just touched my heart. I suddenly broke down. Crying in the rain (but I was sheltered by my car, heh).
It took me almost 6 years to realize that my parents’ marriage was broken and things would be awkward and different. For almost 6 years I did not cry or angry of my parents’ divorce. Then a japanese ballad song played. Don’t know what title. But the singer delivered the song well. I could feel the sadness of the song. Then I remembered the person whom I had relationship for almost 5 years. I suddenly feel guilty towards him. I ended our relationship right after my parents’ divorce. Not ready to be broken once again, I decided to break his heart. I know that I can always forgive him but maybe I was too shattered and broken. He was clueless. Unlike before, he understood that he had done mistakes, and sent our relationship to be judged by fate. But in 2007, I sent simple and direct message. want a breakup. He asked for explanation but I said sorry. There’s nothing he can do to fix the situation. Gosh. Am I that harsh? Anyways, we were not meant for each other. That’s why it doesn’t work out. I’m glad that we didn’t do much to our relationship (like, engagement). I’m glad that the effect is not as disastrous as a divorce.
Death and divorce. Death is better in a sense that one does not hold grudge/ anger/ awkward feeling towards the other party. If it is death, not much pain that I have to tolerate. Only the missing pain. The longing feeling. Divorce’s effect is long-lasting. It sends anyone into confusion, awkward state and anger. Especially for a growing teenager.
I had a talk with my husband. As always, he is an understanding person, open to any discussion, even though sometimes it hurts his feelings. I am grateful that Allah sent me a great husband. We promised to keep our relationship as healthy as possible. He is not a millionaire (yet) but he meant a world to me. I really don’t know if I have someone else as a husband. So far I could not find anyone who is very patient like him. I do not want our kids to suffer because of divorce. Till death do us part. Even if we were separated by death pun, I would want to send gifts (reciting verses) after my prayer. No. Tak boleh cakap till death do us part. I want to bercinta hingga ke syurga.