I never expected my life to change in this way. It’s not me who made the decission. And it’s not my relationship anyway. But it affects a number of people. They decided without me. Honestly, people around me changed so much after they heard what happened. Sometimes, I wish things will be the same because I know how to handle it. Changes of a person whom I know since I’m young, from a reflector to a violent guy, massively shocked me.

I know Allah has planned everything. He wants to test me. He wants to know how much I’m going to change as well. Honestly, I knew this the thing is going to happen. However, I am offended because I am not well-informed. As a consequence, I received a massive shock. I lost the love. I lost some people. I lost a few good relationships. I lost great. Well, I’m lost as well. Lost in translation and stories. I told you I’m not well-informed. I received everything at one time. It’s not like you download 3 GB file with 100 MBPS internet speed in 25 minutes. Very magic. It’s like you inserted a huge junk of file, in a 50 years old shabby wooden cupboard. It’s so sudden and I can’t cope it. If she informed me well, at least I know what to do and how to tackle things. I love to imagine. My imagination world is boundless. I love to plan and dream about things. However, when something bad happen and I just don’t have time to do all that, I’m being flabbergasted. Devastated and greatly frustrated.

Thank you to some people. You know yourself. You know what makes me write in this way. I know you try to make me feel better and more positive to move on.  I’ll try. It’s just that sometimes, I ponder but blur. Sometimes I’m being bombarded with questions like:

What is my status with him now?
Should I cover myself?
Are we no longer related?
Should I treat them like I used to?
Shall we joke the way we used to?

Very complex it is. Hereby, I suggest you to do istikharah for whatever important decision you are taking. Please make sure you don’t destroy 3 generations, just because of a few days or week “stupid decision”. And yes, I believe in love and compatibility.

Ar-rahman, ar raheem, I’m begging for love and peace of mind.